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Search Results 0 to 8 of about 9 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Oct 1, 2012 10:30am PDT
! ready the venetian fleet! (laughter) >> steven, we have reached your defenses! >> mustafa! you ottoman dog! >> yes, it is i, mustafa, grand viz year of the turkic hoard. welcome to obama's ottoman america! you'll be forced to play the ood eat carob and learn algebra. >> you monsters! >> now, steven, might i interest you in some turkish delight? (laughter) >> stephen: no! no! no thank you. >> oh, it's a tender candy scented with rose water. >> stephen: rose water? oh, that does sound delightful! i shall try one! oh! (laughter) oh, it is scrumptious. >> ha ha ha! now you're mine! come join my harem. >> stephen: no, no! you've got to fight ottoman delicacy with an anti-ottoman delicacy. a croissant. yes, the croissant, created in 1683 to celebrate the victory over the ottomans at the battle of vienna. its crescent shape marks the moon upon your plant. >> no, not the light and flaky pastry of my people's darkest hour! >> stephen: b gone, turk! >> no! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: oh-- thank you. thank you, congressman louie gohmert for warning us against the ottoman menace. but remembe
Comedy Central
Oct 29, 2012 11:30pm PDT
i need to buy two extra seats? sure. but it's all natural. so you may ask steven, why aren't you fighting these charges? because i don't want to drag america through my ball scandal! (laughter) or scandalize america by dragging my balls through it! it's a real problem. that's why i don't wear wide-legged pants. or ride escalators anymore. that is also why -- true. dangerous. that is also why effective today i am stepping down as chairman of the wristrong foundation. (boos) i have to do this. i have to do this. we haven't spoken but i trust my balls will also be stepping down. or at least descending. there it is. and though i will no longer be chairman, i will be staying on the board which has no other members but me. so i am proud to announce that starting today i will be serving as interim chairman of the wristrong foundation. (cheers and applause) now, folks -- now, folks, -- (cheers and applause) i'm sure a lot of people out there are saying will this scandal follow me? yes, the same way my balls follow me in a motorized side car i use on the weekends. i'm tired. (laughter) as
Search Results 0 to 8 of about 9 (some duplicates have been removed)